Participation Trophy

First off, people, you’re all scaring me a bit. Not in a bad way, but just in an “I’m easily frightened and this feels bigger than me” way. It’s 9:30am as I’m writing this and the blog has about 360 views. Yesterday DID break Day One’s 92 views, closing the day with 97, which is amazing, you guys. As I said yesterday, it feels surreal and as if, at any moment, someone is going to figure out I’m just me and take it all away and give it to someone else. That won’t happen, though, because “just me” is the one doing the work and the blog is, at the end of the day, for my benefit. To give me an outlet and to help me connect with people. Obviously, I want other people to read and benefit from it, but if your only reason for writing is other people, you end up losing your voice.

But that presents something of a problem. It’s a problem every writer knows about, an adversary we face way too often.

I have no clue what to write.

I went to bed last night trusting that I would be struck with inspiration during a good night’s sleep and wake up bright eyed and ready to go when my alarm went off, make a decent breakfast, and let all that stored up creativity flow through my fingers and settle onto the page in the form of a whimsical, but poignant piece on something everyone can relate to.

Instead, my alarm went off at 9am and I glared at it irritably as I solved math problems (I’ll elaborate on this helpfully sadistic little wonder later), dragged my cat pajama’d body out of bed, scrounged up a breakfast of Pepsi and pop tarts (sorry, Mom), and opened up the laptop to stare dumbly at a blank screen.

And it’s okay. It’s okay that this is what I’ve got today. It isn’t a lot. It isn’t very exciting or deep, but it’s something. I promised myself that I would make this blog positive, informative, and provide connection to and for people living lives like mine. Lemons and Spoonies, the lot of us. But I also promised myself that I wouldn’t give up this time. I wouldn’t let myself get overwhelmed or bored and walk away from it. This once, I will give myself my best chance and my best effort.

Even if it means that not every post is a winner.


One thought on “Participation Trophy

  1. Not every blog entry needs to be earth shattering. Sounded to me like Imposter Syndrome raising its ugly head again. Good for me, who has long struggled with Fake it Till you Make It, and impossible standards to connect with others who fight that too. One of life’s toughest lessons is that even wunderkinds, prodigies and geniuses are not amazing every single minute. And sometimes good enough is good enough.


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