Depression and Gratitude

The gofundme surpassed its goal in three days with a combination of large and small donations from friends, family, and anonymous donors who could be either or neither.It has trended on social media twice with  To admit I am overwhelmed would be an understatement. I am shocked and humbled by the generosity of those around me. I realize that is largely because I did not expect people would find my cause worthy of their time or money. This is ridiculous and logically, I know that I have a deep and vast support network that loves me very much and are kind people who would give freely and happily to anyone in need. Nevertheless, that part of my brain that believes I’m unworthy of even the smallest gesture of kindness from anyone whispers “do they know they’re giving you money? Do they really know who they’re helping here?”.

I’m struggling with how to express my profound gratitude and appreciation in the face of this insidious force inside me. I want, rather desperately, to believe that I deserve this because I deserve my best chance at living a long and relatively healthy, comfortable life. I hope those that contributed, by sharing, by donating, by even glancing at the gofundme, at this blog, at me at all, know how much I appreciate them, even though I feel terribly incapable of putting it into words. There’s frustration, as a writer, when words escape you or are stolen away by your own mind. My small responses of thanks are what I can manage to push through the clutter of shock and awe. Please don’t take offense if I seem uncaring or it takes me a bit to say thank you. Trust that I will express my thanks heartily and genuinely as soon as I’m sure you didn’t donate by accident.

Peace to your Sundays, Lemons and Spoonies.

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