Fear and the Imposter

Today, I have a very simple goal: reach out to two people I know and talk to them about helping me write a book. They are both writers, both good and kind people that I know will be welcoming and helpful in any way they can be.

I am absolutely, heart-stoppingly terrified.

I’ve had this on my goal list for a few days now, especially after coming to the conclusion that writing a book about supporting lemons and spoonies was something that I should do. It’s a topic they would both be interested in either learning more about or helping me write about. They’ve even written a book together (that I highly recommend, The Year of Small Things), that touches on this sort of thing.

Knowing that they are kind and helpful people that would love to help me get this thing started has not stopped The Imposter from rearing its ugly head. Every time I’ve attempted to reach out, that terrible voice has been there, asking me what I think I’m doing, talking to real writers. They have better things to do than fanservice your pathetic attempts at writing. You just want their attention. It says to me. And I obey. I close the chat window dejectedly and chalk up another victory to my inner demon.

Today, though, will be different. Today, I will not give in when that voice starts telling me to stop. Today, I will reach out. Because the worst thing that could possibly happen is they say “no” or “not right now”. They will not laugh at me or tell me I am not a real writer. They will be far kinder than I ever am to myself. They will encourage me and ask questions, even if they can’t help. They want to see me succeed more than my inner demons want to see me fail.

I’ll let you all know how it goes, lemons and spoonies. If I report back with failure, you have full license to ridicule me.

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One thought on “Fear and the Imposter

  1. The Inner Critic is by far the harshest and cruelest of critics. And you write well. Hoping you can come to believe it. I know a few professional artists who routinely savage their own work. They might say about a gorgeous work, ” This little corner is Okay but the rest is terrible. “. They are so good because they are so hard on themselves

    Like

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