Newton’s Laws of Motion state that an object will remain in whatever state of motion or stillness until outside forces are exerted upon it. An object in motion stays in motion, an object at rest will remain at rest.
Depression, I’ve found, can be summed up similarly.
If I keep moving forward, I’ll keep going. I’ll be productive, I’ll still make progress, I’ll do the things I set out to do.
If I stop for any reason, however, I become immobile, unable to step forward. Frozen in stillness by doubt, anger, and hate all aimed, with lethal precision, inwardly and at those closest to me. In my stillness, I become bitter, jealous, spiteful. My words no longer intend to soothe, they aim to cut and sting and bruise. If left alone, the fire dissipates, leaving an icy wasteland of apathy for me to exist in. The most basic of functions become too much effort, any physical movement rendering me spent.
Currently, I find myself growing stagnant as I wait for something to pitch me forward again into progression and movement. I’m anxiously checking the mail every day, knowing that any delivery could bring the papers I need to enroll in and subsequently start school. The end of the week brings Easter, which my church is celebrating with ten different services across four different venues. Plenty of activity there. My mother has generously offered up her Sundays to help ensure I get at least one day out of the apartment. Once I have school underway, I can make outings to coffee shops, campus, and other locations to help me stay focused and motivated.
For now, though, I’m collecting dust on the couch.